he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The struggles of a small town man whore
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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