How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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