They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
