You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
