i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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