before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Are my feet made of real feet?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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