he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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