my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
