Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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