There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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