I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
