Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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