It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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