He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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