Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
