Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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