I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
