I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
