All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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