he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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