Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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