need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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