Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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