I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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