Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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