Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
