Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
