she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
