Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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