we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
