It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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