so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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