You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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