I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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