eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
