so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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