You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
