I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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