i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
