Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
