I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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