You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
