Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found puke in my bra..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
