There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
