if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
