Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
