maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
