eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
