next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
