I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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