he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
