this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
