Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
