how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck