If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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