If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.