It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.