You work out of a Hotel?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.