Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
