Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
