i just wanna soil my oats bro
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
