My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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