garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
