Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
