If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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