Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
