You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
