She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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