So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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