becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
