Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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