I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
