Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
