I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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