I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So many bounce houses so little time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
