I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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