This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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