All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
