it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
