We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
