I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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