i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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