And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
