Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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