How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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