Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
