I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
